Yogi in a Corporate World – #1
These words are the beginning of a beautiful relationship. A bridge from the person I am now to the person I see myself being in the near future. Right here, right now marks the start of a dialogue that begins and ends with me. A journal of my path through the corporate world and transition into a world of health and healing, full of creativity and dripping with spirit.
Where do I start …Aaahh, the world of insurance. This is now. As I type, I’m surrounded by ringing phones, fingers racing on keyboards and conversations heard through walls about ‘low hanging fruit’ and ‘vertical markets’. My head is filled with spreadsheets and process flows and my belly is full of coffee. This is my life right now. Don’t get me wrong. I’m a yogi, an artist, a creative, a free spirit, an entrepreneur… a spiritual being. I make things, I sing songs, I dance around fires, I think outside of the box. And I flourish in an environment where these things are valued. And yet, here I sit at this computer at this office typing into oblivion in small bursts of inspiration that pour from my fingers. I feel stifled yet strengthened by this, uncomfortable, yet steady.
Stagnant is another word that comes to mind as I sit here staring into a screen straddling two worlds. Trying so hard to stay open and full of light… full of hope for a future I see, and have not yet grasped. I stray from the screen, up and out the window that tempts my eyes every minute. No matter the weather, I can’t help but think I’d rather be somewhere out there. I feel so grateful, and yet I sit so begrudgingly at this desk sometimes! This full time corporate job is what I need, I tell myself. And for many reasons it’s true. A stricter schedule than I could ever discipline myself to hold. A lesson in business, which is in so many regards priceless. It’s also an extremely intense test of my patience. On a daily basis I am confronted with the simple task of sitting here for 8 hours and getting my work done. ‘Just keep showing up and doing the best you can. Create opportunity and stand in the face of the part of you that just doesn’t want to be here!’ I just keep telling myself. I love doing a good job, I just feel that my gifts are better spent elsewhere. ‘Live Your Dream-Don’t Lose Faith” written on a post-it, this message sits beneath my computer screen as a constant reminder. And I haven’t lost my faith… instead my faith has grown immensely in the last year. I don’t even think I had half a grasp on what I now know to be faith at the beginning of this year. In a year, I have learned so much about myself and my worldview… In a year, my heart has exploded!
I now know that I am truly a spiritual, creative, intuitive yogi living necessarily (at least for the time being) amidst a corporate world! I have a higher purpose… this is a means to an end. Taking my breaks to reach out to my horoscope for the week… looking up classes at the local College of Ayurveda, listening to yoga and Ayurveda podcasts and snorting oil at lunch. Finding myself in downward dog a couple times throughout the day to loosen up… tuning in…preparing for my evening asana and meditation… and trying to manifest my dreams. I know my future. I see my path. As for now, I develop my strength and stability while I increase my ever growing patience in a world that makes me somewhat uncomfortable.
I’ve only recently come into full time at this position, about to reap the rewards of full benefits and working my way up to a raise. I never thought I could succumb to this environment. If anything, I never thought I had the sheer willpower to wake up at 6 every weekday morning! My morning ritual is so sacred to me now… it creates balance. Once at work, however, I do have to try to ignore the fact that I can feel a part of that being sucked out by the harsh fluorescents overhead… One day an hour before I had to leave, I got up and turned them off! I just couldn’t take it anymore! So for an hour I sat there by the calming natural light of the window and stared into the crisp brightness of my computer screen…. In the end, they thought I had left! And to that I say, maybe a part of me had… maybe just a little piece of me had floated out the window to mingle with the breeze dancing by. Maybe just a small part of me was ever so distant and swirling, lost in the eddies of a future existence that truly supports and nurtures my gifts. Just maybe…
Until next time,
Namaste and Journey On!